The Tree and the Man Are in Cahoots!!!

It is official; the tree has sided with the man.

I have drawn this conclusion based on recent events. This afternoon I noticed the man pouring a large pitcher of icy cold water into the tree's basin, the same basin from which we shared a drink the other night as I tried to initiate conversation with the conifer. I truly thought we could be allies, but I don't see that happening anymore. Just as he has with Tucker the sharpherd, the man continues to assemble an army against me using food and beverage. Drat!!! This foils everything!!! He may be stupid, but the man's tactics are rather effective.

Let me tell you how I learned the tree turned on me. Admiring it closely, I was taken by surprise when the tree shed one of its large ornaments in an attempt to bludgeon me. I was too quick for it, however, and I let out a sharp bark to express my agitation at the tree's act of treason. At that moment, I found myself dodging more falling objects, these made of blown glass, which could have easily shattered and impaled me with schrapnel. I was unharmed but a bit startled, and as I backed away from the tree, eyes googling in dismay and disbelief, I realized that I better watch my back from now on. This tree could indeed be a silent assassin.

I am accumulating enemies as we speak. The man. The tree. The sharpherd. This Santa Claus fellow, whoever he is. Hopefully this blog will reveal some friends who will support me in my struggle.

In other news, I peed all over a small rug today. It felt really good to be in a warm room instead of outside where my nipples instantly harden like icicles. I hate the cold!!! The friendly girl washed the rug before the man had a chance to step on it in his stockinged feet as I had planned. I was angry at first, but I think she did it for my own protection.

As far as the bone wars go, the sharpherd sneaked into my stash and made tracks with two of my bones. Zoey 2, Tucker 2. A draw.

Well, the day was not a total loss. "Pookie" did let me enjoy a sweet potato fry and lick her plate; it was absolutely delicious. I am going to find a way to raid the freezer and take these fries for myself. I am devising a plan to accomplish this, and hopefully it is better than my plan to befriend the tree. We shall see.

I am off to check eBay for potential allies. Wish me luck.

Happy Christmas to you.
Z.